Thursday, 31 January 2013
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Necrophilia is a Swedish page on Facebook which is, as you may guess, is devoted to having sexual intercourse with dead people. As opposed to social intercourse with the dead which is what spiritual mediums do. To make that point clear there’s an image that shows a man in bed with a woman. Nothing unusual about that except for the rather disturbing fact that she is clearly decomposing. To each their own, right? Yes, but perhaps certain things should not be allowed to see the light of day. Rotting cadavers being high on the list. Either that or this woman’s a Martian with leprosy. Alas, no such luck. This is not a fan page for J. J. Ballard or Phillip K. Dick. This is a fan page for corpse shaggers. I suppose the only positive thing you can say about necrophilia is that in this relationship you can be pretty sure your partner will be open to anything – especially after a post mortem. I mean, what morbid conversations must these necrophiliacs have?
1st NECRO: How did it go last night?
2nd NECRO: It was a disaster. I got her in bed, but when I penetrated her she just went all to pieces.
1st NECRO: Some are just too ripe for it.
Ugh! And they banned my picture of Santa with a penis? Come on! Let’s have a sense of proportion. This Santa’s dick is not going to be inserted into a rotting, maggot filled, dead body! Get a fucking grip, Herr Scheissberg. And tell your moderators to concentrate on the really yukky stuff.
PS: The page had 198 likes. I best most of those were from undertakers!
Monday, 14 January 2013
I’ve just created a fan page for the incredibly awesome Justin Bieber entitle, "We Love Justin Bieber's Smegma.". How long before one of his fans twigs and complains to FB? But will they? Are they old enough to know what smegma is? Or, if they do, is this something they’d eat? Only time will tell.
Sunday, 13 January 2013
Next week I’ll be taking a look at some of the groups on Facebook. There are some pretty weird ones – as I discovered three years ago when I studied the BDSM section, (I was gathering information for a gonzo style article. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. But, you’re welcome to beat the truth out of me!)* Until then it’s back to playing my modded version of Dead Island.
*You’re not. I hate inflicting or receiving pain.
(This appeared on Facebook and sets out our stall nicely. Chris is the academic one so he goes into it much deeper than I do. Over 30-years working on comics has stunted my maturity. I’m just a big kid really who likes farting and using naughty words).
In a society which applauds demonic capitalists do not expect anything which pretends to be free to come without strings. 'Buyer' beware- by ticking the yes box to Facebook's terms of service you have all but sold your entire life to an organisation who has been publically congratulated by the CIA and the FBI for making such a coveted process so simple and so successful in such a short time.
This fact alone should make you want to delete your Facebook account immediately. But deleted accounts only ever 'appear' to be deleted. They remain on file because, according to the small print in Facebook's terms of service, everything in them belongs to them.
Try arguing this as a violation of human rights. It is not. You have voluntarily signed up to this deal.
Like you I am a fucking numpty.
BUT, as a European citizen belonging to a member state of the EU there is hope for me. Facebook bases itself in Eire [Southern Ireland] an EU state for tax reasons. This makes the company subject to EU law. Under EU law I have the legal right to make Facebook disclose the entirety of everything that they have on file about me. I can legally make them destroy all evidence of it. Facebook loathe this fact BUT if they want the tax breaks then they have to live with it. I am currently in the process of starting proceedings.
It is a great irony that the host of the greatest social networking platform in the world is also the most difficult organisation to communicate with. Have you tried it lately?
Facebook prides itself on its stringent set of rules and guidance for use- the slightest infringement of which is promised to bring fair counter measures to bear on the perpetrators. My experience of this 'at work' is that the system is at best laughable and at worst criminal. There is always a notable bias to showing a greater leniency to American users.
The way the system is set up allows for individuals with grudges and private armies of zealots to spend their time using Facebook's very multi-faceted complaints system as weapons in what they might perceive as a war against anything they dislike. One can imagine a group of fundamentalist Christian homophobes organising 'lap-top and coffee mornings' where they can gather in their multiplicity to repeatedly report a post as 'spam', or 'hate speech'.
Facebook has no way of knowing when any page or indidual is being systematically targetted.
To make matters worse Facebook knee-jerks into punishments such as temporarly blocking accounts or even deleting them- offering no explainations and no method of redress or mediation. The computer hits have already done their worst. The Westboro Baptist Church and their ilk are not above dedicating a day a week to God in this fashion- nor are any fanatic groups.
FACEBOOK OFFERS NO DEFENSE AGAINST THEIR ATTACKS. How very fair and broadminded of them.
In my years on Facebook I have been invited to groups where only explicit porn is the dish of the day. It has surprised me that such groups were allowed to exist. One of these was Indian.
I have seen posts by Americans that had they been posted by a European would have been banned- Christ with a massive cock and smoking an equally massive toke, eighty likes and comments from Americans. I wrote to the poster and enquired if Facebook had challenged her about the posting. She wrote back totally perplexed that Facebook would be concerned. This exchange by the way is there in my Facebook file- they cannot deny it. I never complained about the post and the post remained. In other words the 'bots' allowed it because it was an American posting.
Recently I was temporarily banned on two occasions- one of these was for posting an item of photo journalism available to anyone who has access to the world wide web. Facebook refused to discuss their decision- but, something that had appeared in a newspaper was deemed improper for their network-one has to suppose because someone targetted it deliberately and maliciously. The first occasion I was temporarily banned for posting the Christmas Card I had created for my co-writer Mike Knowles who is German- it was composed of five illustrative cells and in each was a picture of Nazis or Hitler enjoying Christmas. There was a box of tree decorations with swastikas on them. No text whatsoever. Facebook deemed this item counter to their rule book.
What this does amount to is a lack of care on behalf of Facebook to protect the freedom of expression demanded by the true creative mind. The organisation has no mechanisms in place to indicate any empathy towards the freedoms required by the creative spirit.
I suffered immense abuse at the hands of bigoted Jews when I published a piece of journalism concerning circumcision. I had done my research. I had met with a modern sect of Jews in LA who no longer mutilated their boy babies. Anyhow, in this piece I wrote that it was a matter of public record that a Jewish Mohel or circumciser had been given a jail sentence in New York State for causing the death of babies by circumcising them with his teeth. Irrefutable fact. I received death threats- all sorts. Facebook were not the least interested. I had to report the whole matter to the UK police. I have a crime file number for the case. These rabid Jews insisted that the crime I was writing about was a lie AND that the practice was also a lie. They would not know the truth if they were staring at the empirical evidence of it. Yet they thought they had the right to threaten me with assasination and Facebook did nothing to disavow them of that fallacy.
Facebook, in my experience, really do make it up as they go along- the social and the fiscal aspects.
This is but the tip of the iceberg of my Facebook recollections and Mike Knowles and I look forward to publishing our book on these matters in due course.
My very best advice to you is to leave the network in an orderly fashion having properly secured the legal deletion of all that they have on file about you. Make no mistake- Facebook believe that they own everything that you have posted on the network. That is the bottom line.
Meanwhile check out the new Facebook page 'Free2Be'- it is choc full of videos which will explain in far greater depth what a hideous mess we have all got ourselves into.
Better still join the new social network we have created where you will suffer zero repression- email@example.com